


Ain’t We Got Fun

by Bury_A_Friend



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Background Rafael/Carisi, M/M, Mentions of William Lewis - Freeform, PTSD, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 17:07:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21377557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bury_A_Friend/pseuds/Bury_A_Friend
Summary: Olivia isn’t invincible, she just does a good job of pretending she is.An interaction with Carisi triggers a flashback and Carisi helps out.With Rafael’s help, Carisi realises that he’s grown as a Detective through his time at SVU and he has Rafael and the squad to thank for that.
Relationships: Olivia Benson & Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	Ain’t We Got Fun

He had been in SVU for around a year now, which was an accomplishment in itself, given how he’d first started.

Thinking back to his first day and his ‘gung-ho’ attitude, really emphasised how far he’d come.

Don’t get him wrong, there were still days where he wondered what he was doing there. There were days that he debated if he was athe best person to be helping the victims, the _people_, that he met everyday.

But day after day, perp after perp, he realised that if he could help people start to put their lives back together, even just a little, then it was worth it.

The last year had equipped him with the skills to defuse intense situations; the attitude to empathise with a victim and the ability to emotionally deal with the outcome, good or bad, of a case. He’d learnt all that from his team, the squad: from Rollins, Fin, Amaro, Barba and, of course, Sergeant Olivia Benson. 

He marvelled at that fact that she’d been here almost 20 years and could still face each day with new vigour. She was practically invincible in his mind, which is why it was such a shock the day he had to apply some of his learnt skills to help her.

****

It’d been a, thankfully, slow day. Days like these were rare in SVU.

The grind between victim and perp seemed to never end. On those days, he found himself yearning for the dulcet tones of Rafael Barba, to lift his mood. They’d been getting closer these days, spending more time together outside of work. It was something that made the daily rounds of the SVU bearable.

Today, however, he’d spent the day blissfully bored with paperwork. No new victim and no new perp. It was all they could hope for in their job.

With no new case to keep himself occupied, though, he’d found himself distracting Rollins in an attempt to alleviate his boredom.

In his defence, he was distracting her by trying to be _nice_.

“Seriously, Rollins, I’ll do the paperwork for the Farhidi case, you go home and get ready for your big _date_ tonight. Fin and I can cover it here, right Fin?”

He glanced over at Fin’s desk for support, only to find Fin engrossed on his computer watching a film, headphones on.

“Fin. Fin, come one, back me up-“

Unimpressed, Carisi tried again to catch his attention by lobbing a pencil over at Fin, which only resulted in him loosing his favourite pen to the floor, before he gave up.

“Carisi, no, I’m not goi-“

“Rollins, we’ve got this covere-“

Rollins and Carisi both spoke with increasing volume, each trying to have their protest heard over the other, neither noticing the attention they’d attracted.

“Alright, that’s enough, what’s all this about?”

The dispute had evidently become loud enough that it got Olivia off the phone. Not that Olivia would tell them, but she was grateful for the reprieve from 1PPs insistent phone calls trying to get a more superior officer to take over from her. The headaches between them and whether or not she should actually go for the Lieutenants exam were wearing her out, to the extent that a little in-squabbling between Detectives in the squad room was a welcome break.

She looked between the two of them, Carisi’s sheepish face and Rollin’s embarrassed one.

“Spit it out, what’s going on? Carisi, you first.”

“Sarge, I’m just trying to get the good Detective here to leave a little early for her date, I even _offered_ to do her paperwork as incentive. How could you say no to that, huh, Rollins?”

Carisi, looked over to Olivia smiling cheekily, with his eyebrows raised and waggling, trying to sway her to his side off the argument.

“And you, Rollins?”

Admittedly, Olivia was a little confused as to why Amanda hadn’t already legged it out of the office; there were remarkably few days where nothing was happening, where there wasn’t a court appearance or follow up of some kind required. So frankly, Olivia fully expected any of her squad to take full advantage of the lull.

“I’m was _just_ saying that I was offended that you thought I needed six hours to get ready for a date, Carisi. It’s not until 8!”

Carisi turned red, rapidly trying to back track, “That wasn’t what I was trying to imply at _all_, I just-”

Not wanting to see Carisi put his foot any further into his mouth, Olivia interrupted. She knew full well Carisi could _definitely_ manage to dig himself further into that hole.

“That’s it. The decision has been made, Rollins, you might not need it but you have it. Take the rest of the day off. And Carisi you’ve just bought yourself Rollins’ paperwork. Enjoy.”

Sometimes Olivia felt like her job mainly consisted babysitting overgrown children. She sometimes wondered if this is what Cragen felt like, back in the day.

Rollins responded by rolling her eyes playfully over at Carisi, before smiling gratefully at Olivia.

“Thanks, Liv... you too, Carisi.”

Amanda grabbed her bags and headed towards the SVU doors. Carisi cracked a smile, his eyes wrinkling with amusement.

With his good deed done for the day, he settled in for a quiet one in the office.

_Maybe_, he thought,_ if the office is still quiet at lunch, I might see if Rafa is free for a coffee break?_

****

Returning from his cafe lunch with Barba, Carisi was in an unusually cheerful mood.

He entered the building, trying to juggle his bag and the extra cups of coffee he bought for Olivia and Fin in his hands. He hummed to himself, finding it an excellent outlet for his new found good mood.

Looking round the office, he smiled over at Fin and placed the cup of coffee next to his computer. Fin rewarded him with a nod of the head, before continuing to watch his film.

By the time he was knocking on Olivia’s office door he’d progressed to quiet singing.

He paused slightly as he opened the door, to intone, “Got you a coffee, Serge.”

She glanced up from her paperwork, smiling.

“Thanks, Carisi.” She reached over to pluck the cup from his grip, removing her reading glasses as she did.

Carisi continued singing quietly to himself, _“Ev'ry morning, ev'ry evening. Ain't we got fun? Not much money, Oh, but honey-“_

The coffee cup slipped out of Olivia’s hand.

Carisi lurched out of the way to avoid the stream of hot liquid, but wasn’t quick enough; splashes of brown coffee began to stain his shirt and jacket.

He let out a stifled yelp at the burning sensation.

His attention immediately focused on the Sergeant, trying to check if she’d been burned at all, when he noticed her unfocused eyes and rapid breathing. It looked something like... like a _panic attack._

His instincts kicked in. He’d interacted with a enough victims by this stage to recognise the effects of a panic attack or a flashback. He just never thought he’d have to employ his calming techniques on someone he actually knew.

He took a step back, trying to give her as much space as he could, keeping his hands out where she could see them.

“Sarge, can you hear me?”

No response.

“Liv, it’s me Carisi. You’re in the SVU office right now. I’m here with you. We’re all safe.”

Olivia was breathing quickly, her eyes darting around the room, clearly seeing something that wasn’t there. Out of the corner of his eye Carisi saw Fin, who had been alerted by his yell, making his way to the Olivia’s office door.

He raised his hand, motioning through the window to get Fin to wait by the door, not wanting Olivia to feel crowded. He saw the concern that only Olivia could cause, displayed on Fin’s face.

Carisi felt helpless.

He didn’t know what triggered the panic attack. Or what might set off another one. All he could do was try and focus on staying calm and trying to help Liv breathe.

“Hey Liv, can you copy my breathing? Just like this, in-“, he sucked in a deep breath,”-and out.”And he released it. He repeated the motion, as calmly as he could.

After a moment, he felt rather than saw Olivia start to breathe in sync with him. Relief came as he realised he was getting through to her.

After repeating the cycle a few more times, he moved slowly forward, leading her over to the couch in the corner.

It took another few moments before Olivia finally blinked, focusing on the world around her. She kept a steady breath, but was coming back to herself with every passing second.

“Sarge, are you alright?”

There was a brief pause before Liv answered, but her voice was steady. “I’m fine, Carisi. Thank you for that.”

“Do...you want to talk about it?”

There was no pause this time, Olivia responded quickly and firmly, “No, Carisi, there’s no need.”

His concerned eyes found hers. He knew that talking through a panic attack often helped victims, grounded them and, more importantly, helped identify the trigger itself and help to avoid a repeat. However, he also understood that work wasn’t the place, nor was he the person to be asking her.

Nodding, he stood, glancing at the puddle of spilt coffee on the floor.“I’m sorry about the coffee, Sarge.”

Olivia laughed weakly. “I think we’ll manage.”

Carisi moved towards the exit, skirting around the mess on the floor. As he reached for the handle he hesitated, turning to face Liv, who was still sitting on the couch. He asked quietly, “Did-Did I do something or say something that triggered your attack?”

Before she could answer, he rushed on. “You don’t have to tell me anything... I just don’t want to trigger anything again.”

Liv cleared her throat uncomfortably.

“It wasn’t anything you did. It-It was the song you were singing....”

Carisi thought back to when he entered the room. He’d been so happy from actually managing to spend lunch with Rafael, for once, that he’d been absently singing to himself. It’d been _‘Ain’t We Got Fun’. _His parents used to sing it to each other when cleaning the house, it as a song for him that triggered fun memories of watching his parents helping each other in the kitchen. But clearly it was a song that triggered other memories for his colleague.

“Okay.” He noted the song to himself and made a mental note to be more vigilant if he was singing in Olivia’s presence. “I’ll avoid it in the future. I’m glad you’re alright, Sarge.”

Not wanting to wait for Olivia’s response, Carisi made a timely exit.

As he entered the main room, Fin intercepted. “Carisi, is everything alright in there?”

“Yeah, I, um, spilt coffee on the Sarge. Just wanted to make sure she hadn’t burnt herself.”

“Right.” Fin looked at him, clearly skeptical, but didn’t press. “As long as everything’s good.”

“It is.” Carisi sat back down at his desk, decidedly more somber than when he’d returned from lunch. “..It is.”

****

Later that evening, he found himself in Rafael’s office. Sonny had left work early and decided to bring a token gift of Chinese takeaway to the DA’s office, if only to ensure Rafael didn’t accidentally starve himself to death.

They’d been discussing some of the most details of the more recent case Rafael was prosecuting, when Carisi’s mind was brought back to that afternoon and the attack he’d accidentally induced.

“Rafa, what’s the best way to find out what triggers a person’s panic attacks without actually asking the person in question outright?”

Barba’s pen stilled. He glanced up at Sonny, his eyebrow raised questioningly.

“What sparked that question?”

Embarrassedly, Carisi broke eye contact. He looked down at his takeaway, pushing the food in the box with his chopsticks. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Sonny, if you want my opinion on something, you’re going to have to give me all the facts.”

Carisi mulled it over. While he didn’t want to break Olivia’s confidence and tell people what had happened today, he also didn’t want a repeat of it. Out of everyone, Rafael understood the need for discretion _and_ he and Olivia were close friends, maybe he could provide some insight into how to avoid triggering her.

“I-“, Carisi stalled,trying to work out where to start. “I don’t want any of this to leave this room.”

Rafael’s eyebrows raised higher, reaching his hairline. He set his pen down on the desk, giving Carisi his full attention. “Okay. What’s this all about?”

“At work today, I think I triggered the Sarge to have a panic attack.” He could see Rafael’s frown deepen, the wrinkles on his forehead growing more defined. “She said it was the singing that triggered her, but I’m worried that other things could trigger another attack.”

Rafael sighed.

“Sonny, I know you weren’t at the precinct when Olivia was kidnapped, but you’ve probably heard about it, correct?” Seeing Carisi nod, he continued, “The offender who kidnapped her was a violent rapist by the name of William Lewis. He was sadistic and cruel. He had her for 4 days and while he didn’t rape her, he left scars that won’t ever go away, both physically and otherwise.”

He could see the affect his words had on Carisi, but knew that information was most likely the best tool Carisi could have for this.

“You couldn’t have known that singing would have triggered an attack. But now you do.”

“But it was my fault that I set her off.”

“You can’t know everything that could trigger her, Sonny. You just have to be aware of potential things that could trigger someone and if another attack happens, help to calm her down.”

Carisi nodded, knowing that Rafael was right, as he so often was. However, he couldn’t help but worry about his actions. “I just don’t want to do the wrong thing, Rafa.”

Rafael smiled encouragingly at him, “Sonny, you’ve come a long way in the past year. That’s taken time and effort. This is no different. You are a brilliant Detective and a brilliant friend to Olivia. I’m sure that you will do the right thing.”

Sonny’s heart warmed. Despite his and Rafael’s tentative, and new, relationship, Rafael rarely complimented him so outwardly; he preferred snide remarks and muted smiles. But just hearing how much faith Rafael put in his abilities meant a lot to him.

He knew he’d improved since he came to SVU. He was more compassionate, aware and observant. He had learnt a lot and he knew he owed it all to the SVU squad. He had learnt everything he knew from Amanda, Fin, Nick, Olivia and Barba. Maybe he’d slip up in the future but with their guidance, he knew he would be there to help each of them, no matter what the troubles may be.


End file.
